It can be very challenging to deal with sexual attention.
Parents needs to be observant and supportive at this stage of their daughter's life.
When a girl hits puberty she starts getting some kind of attention from the opposite sex.
Different girls react differently.
Some are happy, so are scared and some are just angry and wishes they dont step out alone.
They hear things like; Hello, fine geh (girl) can i talk to you for a moment?
Some young men might use the disgusting sound like the one some pet owners use when they want to call their dog😡
Some say; Hey what's your name?
Can we be friends?
No matter the style used its still a challenge, because Some young men persists, some wont take no for an answer and when all these happens it becomes scary and a hard nut to crack for your girl.
Admirers also comes after them on social media, so if your daughter is active on social media, they slide into her dm just to engage her in private chats and trust me if you have the opportunity to see what the young man is saying to your daughter you might as well as punch his face through your daughter's phone 😂
Worrying and throwing fist will not solve the problem because you will never be by your daughter's side all your life.
Men will always try and they wont stop.
But there are more rational ways to help your daughter to avoid being preyed on.
Steps to help your daughter through this challenge.
1. Build trust: Its very easy to build trust especially when you get it right from the begining.
Girls always want to vent, and that can be done with someone they trust, someone that wont make them look stupid, someone that is smart,intelligent and accommodating, not too opinionated, or judgemental. Make sure that person is 'You'
It will make it easy for you to know all the challenges your daughter is going through because she must confide in you. I always tell parents to use the power of influence and not just authority!
Take note: Influence is merited but anyone can have authority.
2. No blames: When ever she tells you about things like sexual attention, please ditch the blame. Some parents might start with attack of how she has been dressing lately, her long earrings, composure, how she acts too nice with boys etc.
Instead of the blame game tell her “This is not your fault and it should not be your problem, but in case someone behaves badly I want to make sure you have the tools to deal with it in a way that helps you feel, and stay, safe.”
And this brings me to the third point, Which is communication.
3. Communicate effectively: Arm her with great materials to help her through that phase.
But first of all...ask her how she intends to handle the situation, if you think her reply wont be effective then make it more effective.
For instance
When a man says send me nudes. Tell him, I respect my body and if you respect me well enough, you wont be asking me for that. If he persists block him off.
What if he calls you naive and childish? Tell him "for the fact that I recognised what you are trying to do makes me smart, and thanks for recognising i have some growing up to do". (Then excuse yourself)
Tell her to set boundaries because her "feelings are valid, and deserve to be respected.”
4. Pay attention to her activities: Create time and seize every opportunity to mentor and coach her. Sample her opinion and make her understand you respect her and that you are thrilled at how she has been handling things.
Make time to watch your daughter’s favorite movies or shows together, and use the chance to point out examples of negative (and positive) romantic interactions. For example, “It seems to me like she’s said no a lot of times, but he won’t leave her alone. Does that seem okay to you?”Spotlight shows, books and movies that have an empowering message.Talk with her about what she reads, posts and watches on her social media feeds.
5. Staying safe rules: Parents lecture your girls on staying safe, lot of girls would have escaped rape if they were properly armed. As girls get older, it’s important to talk honestly about staying safe when they’re hanging out with their friends
Lets take a look at some of the rules to staying safe; Some common sense ground rules include:
Avoiding alcohol and drugs.If she’s going to a party or concert, attending with a group of friends, and making an agreement to watch out for one another.
Making sure her phone is on and charged, in case she needs to call for a ride or ask for help.
Not accepting rides from strangers, even ones her own age.If someone is making her feel unsafe, make a scene: Get loud, and get out.
Do whatever it takes to get away from the person and keep yelling until someone comes to help.
6. Talk about street harassment : According to the organization Stop Street Harassment, by the time most girls are in their teens up to 99% have experienced some form of public sexual harassment. “Being catcalled on the street may seem like no big deal, but for a lot of girls the harassment can be deeply unsettling,” says Dr. Dowd.
Parents should be careful not to normalize or dismiss harassment. “Street harassment may be common, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay,” notes Dr. Dowd: “If something happens, make sure your daughter understands that it’s not her job to grin and bear it. Parents can help by talking openly about street harassment and working together with girls to come up with a plan for how they’ll react if it happens. Some ideas could include:
Asking another woman or a family to walk with her until she’s out of range. “These guys are yelling at me and making me feel uncomfortable. Could I walk with you to the end of the block?”
Calling a friend or family member and staying on the phone until she feels safe.
Going into a store or restaurant.Crossing the street.
Taking a picture of the harasser with her phone.
Calling the behavior out, if she feels safe responding in the situation, for example: “That’s disgusting and it makes me feel really bad.” “Actually, women hate this!”, “Would you talk to your own daughter like that?”
Finally, Be present, be supportive and arm her with all the necessary information.
Please use the comment section would really love to hear from you.
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