What to Do About Teens 'Phubbing'

Phubbing is short for 'phone snubbing'. It is a term used to describe the habit of ignoring someone in favor of a mobile phone. It usually becomes a problem when there is someone

right in front of you trying to get your attention

The word “phubbing” has actually found its way into many dictionaries. It always fascinates me how quickly teen culture becomes reflected in language. Tailormade for the digital age, the term describes snubbing someone in favor of a mobile phone. You have been phubbing when someone is focusing on his or her smartphone while you sit there feeling ignored.

Of course adolescents aren't the only ones doing this. Adults phub each other, too. I see this going on much more frequently, however, among teenagers. I have driven past high schools and seen groups of teens standing together, and instead of talking to each other directly, they are on their phones. I wonder if they are sometimes texting their mothers in order to appear busy.

Adolescents can be quite proficient on their digital devices. But they also tend to be heavily reliant on them, to the point of ignoring others around them. This choice to interact with one's phone rather than with friends or others nearby is concerning for a number of reasons.

First, of course, when you talk to someone face to face you pick up on all kinds of nonverbal signals that you miss when you are texting. You potentially miss some of the most richly textured interactions full of emotion and vitality when you are staring at a phone. This can certainly not be conveyed via text, right? Are these teens failing to learn some crucial lessons about interaction when they stare at their phones rather than at their friends?

Second, it is more than rude to look at a phone when you are with someone. The person standing next to you feels irrelevant and unimportant when a phone appears to be more interesting than they are. Is the current generation of teens forgetting about manners? Are they unaware of how they are making others feel?

Third, I worry about the emotional consequences for teens when they are phubbing. Are they at risk of missing cues in their environment that indicate that something problematic may be going on around them? I wonder if this leaves them less alert to social discord, not to mention the very real possibility of their walking into someone or something because they're preoccupied with an electronic device.

Perhaps, as a parent, you have experienced your teens phubbing you and their peers. You may even have gotten used to it and started to accept it as the new normal. Not so fast here. No good comes from this bad habit, so we shouldn't give in or allow our kids to engage in it.

Here are are few things you can do to help your teen break this habit:

Observe your teen’s behavior. Is your teen making eye contact and engaging others in face-to-face interactions? Or is your teen mostly reaching for a phone when in the presence of others? If the answer is the latter, then you have some important work to do.

Talk to your teens about the behavior. Explain why it's a problem. Discuss the impact of this practice on others. Talk about what they may be missing out on. Teens are always concerned about missing out, yes? Talk to them about how much fun and how interesting it can be to interact in real time. Model it. Your teens might be unaware of how they are offending others and about how they are missing the nuances of interaction.

Take a goodlook at your own behavior. What are you teaching your teens? Are you on your phone or laptop when they are trying to get your attention? Are you referring to this as multitasking? If so, please rethink this for two reasons: First, you are modeling phubbing, and second, you're not really multitasking – you're distracted.