QUESTION: I'm 19 years old, I have a boyfriend and I've lived with him since my second year in the university, then I was 17 years of age.
I love him so much, but most times I feel worthless because I was brought up well, I know I shouldn't be living with a boy in school. My mum might just die if she knew and my father would disown me if he finds out. Each time my mom makes a visit I always pack to my girlfriend's room.
Joseph my boyfriend has made me go through 3 abortions and he is still not careful with me. I have tried to discuss my fears with him. I told him I wouldn't want to loose my womb or at worse die. But he will always calm me down by telling me , nothing would happen to me and that we will always be fine. I'm positive he is not ready to settle down anytime soon. Please help me I love him so much and he has also done things that proves he loves. Leaving him, might break him as much as it would break me.
RQ FEEDBACK: One thing, I won't do Is paint the truth dear. You asked for help right? It's a known fact that truth is sometimes bitter and we know bitter pills works efficiently.
The first thing that impressed me in your write up is the line that says " I was brought up well " I like the fact that you said the truth by taking responsibility for your actions.
Secondly you are not worthless that's a very wrong way to look at your self. You made a mistake, but you are not your mistake. All you need is correct your mistake and the real gem which is 'you' will shine again.
Now let's tackle this issue!
The argument here is between your emotion and your mind.
The 'I love him' and 'I can't leave him part' is the EMOTION
The part of you discussing your fears with him, is the MIND.
Your mind is the part of you that reasons, It's logical.
As for the emotions you have to realize that It's impossible to live with a man intimately for that long and not develop some kind of feeling.
You know the truth already but you are allowing your feelings to manipulate you.
You know the truth that is the reason you are asking for help. You simply want me to affirm the truth.
You said he is not ready to get married soon...Your statement reminds me of an adage that says " a man cannot buy a cow he milks from" he is already getting it all, so why do you think he would want to marry? For sex? For a cook? For companionship? Hell no! He is already getting all of that free.
It is not right for you to live with a man in the school... How the heck do you study?
You are in school to learn not to be married 'without consent' from the right authority (your parents)
How were you able to look into your moms eyes without feeling guilty...?
Now back to you... That young man will loose nothing if something goes wrong.
In fact he will move on faster than you can ever imagine.
You are taking risk and that is not good for you neither is it good for the people that loves you dearly (your family)
1. The first thing you need to do is to pack out of his house...now that you are alive before you are dead, I wouldn't want you going through the fourth abortion. Your fears are valid. You can't afford not to have children for the man that would make you his bride.
2. You need to forgive yourself for messing with your body.
3. Find a worthy activity/skill that will enhance you.
4. Be happy and change your circle thats if you have friends that will not see problem with you having to live with a man and going through abortions.
5. Think beyond yourself... Think of the reason why you are in school in the first place.
Think how you would want to make your family proud.
Think of how to be a great mom and wife.
Think about humanity. How would you want to impact your world?
Don't ever say you can't cope or your boyfriend wouldn't cope if there is a break up.
And as I will always say... Nothing in life is more fulfilling compared to a life of purpose.
Doing what you are meant to do.
Discover it and make yourself and others happy doing It's always a win-win.
You can also drop your questions in comment box or send to this email royalqueen607@gmail.com. I will attend to them as fast as I can.
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