"A man who wants to lead the orchestra
must turn his back on the crowd."
Josiah G. Holland
When we’re young, we have a tendency to value the opinions of our friends more than we value our own. We tend to think that many of those around us have things all figured out. We feel that they really know what they’re doing, while we’re still trying to determine what life is all about. This is a feeling, or perspective, that almost everyone has at some point in their life.
The truth is that almost all of those around you - even those who appear to have their act together - have some of these same concerns about their own life. They might not talk about it openly, but inside where it counts, they have questions and concerns. It's important for you to me that almost everyone around you is trying to "figure things out" just like you are. So, you have to be careful about letting these people give you real insights into your own life and how it should be lived.
Instead, there's a much better way to chart your future course. Although you may not fully realize it at this moment, there’s a special "person" within you who, over time, can provide you with this direction. As surprising as it might seem right now, you’ll need to listen to that inner person to determine the best course and direction for your life. In fact, you’re probably already hearing that person speak to you as you become interested in certain subjects at school or as you begin to enjoy certain extracurricular activities. If you’ll pay attention to this "being within yourself" - and make good choices along the way - you will come to understand what you should do with your life.
“Before I can tell my life what I want it to do,
I must listen to my life telling me who I am.
This does not come from a voice ‘out there’
calling me to be something I am not.
It comes from a voice ‘in here’
calling me to be the person I was born to be.”
Parker Palmer
Do you (and others) consider yourself to be an independent thinker?
Would you say that you’ve stayed true to the person you are over the past 2 or 3 years?
Do you dress in your own personal way instead of trying to dress like many other people at school?
Have you refused to be involved in any smoking or drinking activities when some of your friends asked you to do so?
Have you sat down by yourself recently and thought seriously about what you might want to do with your life over the next 20 to 30 years?
Do you have a clear understanding of the subjects you like best (and least) in school?
Do you think you’ve come to understand yourself better over the past year or two?
Do you have important goals that you want (or already working) to achieve by the time you get out of high school or college?
Do you generally form your own opinion about things rather than pattern your thinking after others around you?
Do you think that there are other people who want to be like you?
This isn’t a scientific test by any means, but it can give you an indication if you’re managing your life independently or tending to go along with the crowd and thoughts of others. Here’s a scoreboard that you can use to rate yourself:
Be Yourself
We all know that it isn’t easy to live without being influenced by friends, but there’s one last consideration we should keep in mind relative to this…your mix of friends will change over time. Over the years, you can easily loose track of your best friend in high school or that special person you worked with on your first job. A person exerting influence over your life today may not even be around or even considered to be a friend months or years from now. The important point…your group of friends will change over time. Therefore, you must work now to make choices that are right for you over the long term, not necessarily right for the friends you have today.
“Choose not the easy way,
or what other people do.
But choose that very special route,
that was designed especially for you.
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